The Journal of Doug Ramsey

welp

2026-02-28T01:58:56Z

Guys, harishharishhh499@gmail.com just told me that they have detected that I watch too much porn, so I must take immediate action or they will turn all my computers off. So I hate to break it to everyone, I can't computer the computers anymore.

As for that whole arm thing...
( Read more... )

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Why are techbros the absolute worst

2025-10-03T19:27:58Z

https://www.wired.com/story/i-hate-my-ai-friend/

Well, I didn't have to pay an arm AND a leg for my sassy AI friend.

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Happy Halloween

2024-10-31T14:08:49Z

I'm taking monitor duty this evening, so anyone who's not going and doing other stuff can absolutely come by and help me eat my way through my annual delivery of a whole crapload of Reese's.

(this year it's those white chocolate ghosties)

Also compliment my super duper custom Batman cape. ;-)

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FOUR MORE YEARS

2024-05-07T22:34:15Z

(or something, fourth year in a row I remembered my birthday, yay me?)
((if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?))

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy gonna go to Harry's and eat some Platter and watch game one of the Avalanche's playoff series toniiiiiight...
Happy birthday to me!

Come hang out, eat fried food, buy me drinks, watch me pretend the little guys on the TV screen can hear the things I yell at them, it'll be fun.

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PSA regarding the happenings of the day

2024-03-04T02:16:36Z

It would appear that somehow, a lot of people seem to be under the general effect of my power.

I've been kind of racking my brain trying to figure out how to rigorously "science the shit out of this" as the line goes. The downside of having one of those powers with pretty 'fuzzy' boundaries. But between the random language breakthroughs and the odd noticing of patterns, I'm about as confident as I can be that something related to my power is happening.

(Heh. Confident...hey Angie, do you -actually- understand statistical intervals now? :D)

Anyways. What remains to be seen (and I am trying to figure out how to actually test) is:
-the size/radius of the phenomenon
-whether it's centered on me or static
-how long it will last
-whether any effects will be temporary

Plus, y'know, trying to determine what the hell actually caused it in the first place.

Thankfully, my power is relatively benign. The worst anyone should encounter is being potentially "stuck" in observing a pattern or speaking a language (this is probably why you're counting so much, Nica). Other than that, you might notice a mild tendency toward echololia (repeating what other people say back to them).

I am available to answer any questions people might have about all this. (keep in mind that "hell if I know" may be an answer)

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In honor of the Superb Owl...

2024-02-11T22:14:21Z

Somewhere on the internet, a person has taken every NFL team helmet and analyzed them as if they were heraldry. It's aMAZing.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLa_ral_1tCwe0IyoeUGRJCrvk3uEDMZzN

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Heh.

2023-12-29T18:05:49Z

( found this and I love it )

I'm pretty sure I hear "DOUG NO" "DOUG YES" all the way from Angie and Amanda's suite.

Except I'm not sure which one is saying which. :D

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Ok, Angie...

2023-09-01T05:07:04Z

I gotta know, which one wears the coffee cup on his head, and which one rips the top off the Starbucks to get at the coffee?

( which is Huginn and which is Muninn? )

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Oh man...

2023-07-01T17:11:27Z

I really want to find a context to send this to someone as a sick burn.

(while simultaneously hating that I understood it even without power translation because I am poketrash)

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Ayyyyyyyyyy

2023-05-26T18:08:06Z

I just ran across the most amazing bilingual pun.

So you know how some people say "cheesus christ" because reasons?

In Spanish...

That would be "quesucristo"

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xp_cypher @ 2023-05-07T14:24:00

2023-05-07T21:26:43Z

IT'S MY BIRTHDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

gonna party like it's my birfday
gonna eat a Platter at Harry's like it's my birfday
gonna watch a crapton of hockey (even though the Avs are out) like it's my birfday

So come party with me cuz it's my birfday!

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HOKAY SO

2023-03-21T23:58:56Z

Thank goodness I was in the city doing some work, I'd rather not find out what powers shenanigans would do given the multiple competing demands on my system these days.

ANYWAYS (here's Wonderwall)

For those of us who are outside the mansion and need to stay that way due to the medical lockdown, I have taken the liberty of booking a handful of rooms at the St Regis (on the Frost Enterprises corporate card, natch). If you need help getting there, let me know.

ALSO

This seems like a very opportune time to debut a project that Darcy and I have been working on, for a situation like this, in fact! There are a small group of delivery 'drones' based on Roombas that can be used to deliver parcels of food or medication on request to avoid interpersonal contact. Therefore, I judge it time to DEPLOY THE BOYS.

(note: the droids do not have gender, I am referencing this meme.)

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Heh.

2022-08-11T01:54:15Z

Eldritch vowels.

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So here's an interesting stat...

2022-06-07T04:13:15Z

With Edmonton's loss tonight, a Canadian team won't win the Stanley Cup for the 29th straight year -- the last Canadian champion still being the Montreal Canadians in 1993.

An American team has won the Grey Cup more recently than a Canadian team has won the Stanley Cup. There hasn’t been an American team in the CFL since the Baltimore Stallions moved to Montreal in 1995.

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it my birf

2022-05-08T03:18:09Z

AND I REMEMBERED IT TWO YEARS IN A ROW AW YEAH

(look, the bar is pretty low, but I cleared it)

Being in my mid-30s is weird, like I don't always feel that grown up.

Been a pretty good day - mostly lowkey, lots of good food.

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It's my...naniversary?

2022-04-09T03:45:01Z

(nani the f)

So one year ago, I convinced the nanite swarm that now makes up a couple percentage points of my body mass to...unionize?

Oh god, I just realized that I've been saying that the nanite swarm is like a kind of smarter than average puppy, but no. My arm is Jorts the Cat.

Anyways, it's like their birthday or whatever. Darcy made them a celebratory smoothie, which they were delighted by.

I gotta admit, I'm okay with the tradeoff of ~aesthetic~ instead of random attack naps.

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:P

2022-02-18T04:02:03Z

Why is Randall Munroe calling me out like this?

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In terms of weird TV programming

2021-11-20T01:16:26Z

I got all the weird highly meta shit.

Inspector Spacetime
Invitation to Love
Dr Sexy, MD

and a whole shit-ton of Galaxy Quest. Like, as a serial, not the movie.

Hell, I'm recording the entirety of McBain right now.

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HOKAY SO

2021-10-27T01:03:43Z

(you got the earth, round, dang)

Because I got a question about it.

I thought I'd show the nanites that have created my prosthetic arm this video:

https://www.reddit.com/r/nextfuckinglevel/comments/qc76vy/realistic_humanoid_robotic_arm_that_uses/

Because it's super neat. And I figured if they needed some reference or ideas about functionality...

No, these little dramatic so-and-sos decided that the real takeaway...

is the ~aEsThEtIc~

and so that's why my arm is currently see-through.

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National Taco Day

2021-10-04T17:35:15Z

What the title says. I’m making a lot of tacos in the kitchen.

YOU HEAR ME, WADE? I’M MAKING A METRIC TON OF TACOS THAT YOU AREN’T HERE TO ENJOY!

Fuck.

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Heh

2021-06-15T05:35:27Z

As a board-certified cunning linguist, my take on the chatter of the day is that the world's greatest detective can DEFINITELY find that particular spot.

And anyone who thinks that Talia al-Ghul would procreate without receiving is just deluded.

(Look, if they had said they didn't want that level of content on a show, that'd be one thing, but the DC folks said, and I quote, "heroes don't do that". The hell they don't.)

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oh reddit

2021-06-01T00:56:40Z

never change

(the punchline is that r/nootropics just 'discovered' the mocha)

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xp_cypher @ 2021-05-07T18:12:00

2021-05-08T01:13:55Z

It's my birthdaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

And I even remembered it this year!

(That took a while to actually type with one hand, but yeah.)

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May the Fourth Be With You

2021-05-05T01:27:59Z

Brain: So 'Ken' can mean 'sword' in Japanese, right?

Me: ...yeeees?

Brain: And 'obi' is 'belt'

Me: Un-huh...

Brain: And 'wan' is the sound effect for a dog barking, so-

Me: HE IS NOT BELT-WOOF SWORDBELT

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oof

2021-04-11T19:47:23Z

[voice-to-text on]

Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and Doc Jean, and Clarice, for painkillers.

Side note, things I do not thank Clarice for, this gaudy as heck phone case. I think it might have rhinestones on its rhinestones.

Everything hurts, and I lost half of an arm, but at least we prevented a robot body with pieces of the Danger Room and Cerebro in it? Yay team.

No, voice to text, when I say Cerebro I mean Cerebro, not whatever the heck you just tried to autocorrect it to. I swear to crap, you're worse than Clippy.

Also who programmed this voice to text to filter out all the swear words? Was it me? It was probably me. Congratulations, self, you played yourself.

Heck.
Crap.
Fudgesicle.

TURBO BONER.

Haha, take that, me.

Where was I? I mean, physically speaking I was in the Medlab. Mentally speaking, who knows. These are some really good narcotics.

Don't do drugs, kids.

Also don't stick your arm into a hunk of white hot metal.

[voice to text off]

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